So, if you would like the username and password, please let me know. At this point I literally have my hands over my face and am peeking through the fingers like a girl at a horror movie, and am considering climbing over the woman next to me and running for the exit, crowded El train or no crowded El train. There is going to be a whole lot of wet cement right outside my front door....... at this point, I don't even know how I will be able to go in and out of the building. I am going to have Stephen tape it. This year, in tune to how my life has progressed, it was rather low key. And I heard the most beautiful, loveable voice I had EVER heard in my entire life.... the conversation progressed.... I got desperate, I DID NOT want to lose him..... had to keep the conversation going, so I casually mentioned I hated talking on AIM, and was sick of squinting at the computer screen. The new, winning-er, quarterback is named CHAD PENNINGTON, and don't you just want to punch that name in the mouth? I don't mind the Jets winning at all, a jet plane is way cooler than a baby horse, but they do make me angry in one respect: the old quarterback, now sadly sidelined, was VINNY TESTAVERDE,* which is a totally kick-ass name and appropriately working-class for what is essentially a New Jersey team.

She's basically just parroting what she's heard. Just complete this form. My breasts resting just over the vinyl shelf bra, the rosebud nipples hardening. I imagined all of this while standing between the squash and the green onions, of all things, and I felt my pussy tingle and my clit jump in arousal. And what briefly thought up fantasy in the produce isle would be complete without him using some of those vegetables to fuck me? If you would like to pay for 3 months of Gold membership for almost-goth, click the button below. And a sucker that want to quit so badly, partially for the street cred of being a drop out, but is in too deep to go back now, and still can't get past FRE 113 despite taking and dropping it 4 times. I mean the whole point of this is - I can't see whats going to happen next.. and that scares me, I press my lips onto this mirror we call life and blow till my cheeks expand but I go nowhere, and neither does my breath. Am I making it real because I think that it's suppose to be this way and I can't remember any other? Sometimes I like to imagine that there is a Mister-Burns-style trapdoor in my brain, and I can just open it and send the stupid ideas plummeting, down to my stomach, to be dissolved by gastric juices. I can't imagine that he doesn't think about it. I am expecting some much-desired money in the mail soon from Dad and I am totally going to blow it on stuff that I dont need, but that I just want really bad! And then getting her to arrange a time with Lynn, so that I can tell her just with me and Tal there. Another tow-truck appeared to tow the car that took my spot, and I talked the young man into giving me a lift to the tow yard. I thought that maybe I would write something here to educate you, the reader, of who I am and what this whole diary thing is about.

Of things in my past that I regret? Being happy for once really f-s you up because then when you fall out of that happiness stage you see around you that things really get to suck. Would you approach the Lonely Boy? Would you be my boyfriend? So I knew the first time would not be a trouble for me. So I pulled down a side street, rolled down my window, and waited for the inevitable. Well kids, looks like my luck with avoiding cops and talking my way out of trouble has finally run out. I mean overall it was a good vacation, I got to hang out with my cousins CorCor and Kny and JB and Nato, but the other baby cousin that I have is driving me up a wall.

Friday Films is... And this is good, because I hate summer. This is My Design. I mean I wouldn't want to switch it because I like the fact that my usual self is able to take naps at will and I can sleep pretty much anywhere.

Last year my main character, Marae Venger, was suppose to have a particular love interest but every time I put them in a room together they fought. In other words, what was one thing that annoyed you about that particular person? Its feelings like these that grip my soul and wake me weep. I wish I could give you some good news, however, I must inform you all that on Tuesday, thirty-three days into the vow, I gave in and had sex with a women, and it was good. Well, some of you may have remembered that a couple of entries ago, I stated that I was taking a 40-day and 40-night vow of celibacy. I can't really think of anything else that happened at the dance but it was definately the best dance that I have ever been to. What ever happened to MYSELF ruling my own life? I think he interpreted my shrug as that of indifference rather than a struggle to come to terms with my dramatic vexation and flabberghasted silence. I have managed to recover from cough and fever. Took the same lift with Jesu and Desmond, but we didnt tok }.{ we sound so unfriendly = whenever i try to tok to the opus ppl, they like so fierce. None of our other pals seemed interested, but at the final hour, Jay and Steven agreed to donate their Saturday night to our Furry-scouting mission, so off we drove, up the 5 toward Burbank, to check out the scene. E-mail me if you're interested: dlandspark@diaryland. com.

It helps if my hands are cool. Parents are so fuckin stupid. My grandparents are married, my mother never got married. Those movies are usually dramas or psychological thrillers, but not always. I like movies that make me feel something. I've always liked that. And in a matter of minutes he created the end by doing something that was so out of charter, so against what he was, and so painful to me, that it was all over with for the rest of our lives. I always had the feeling that he was going to turn on me one day and that I was being set up for the kill, but the moment never came. Is it his fault that I am this far? And then getting her to arrange a time with Lynn, so that I can tell her just with me and Tal there. Actions speak louder than words and I'm an idiot for not hearing you tell me that I don't mean shit to you anymore.

It's not even sure he and I will meet again, yet I've thought of little else today. A friend is pissed at me for telling him what I thought, which he disagreed with and apparently that's a hanging offense in his world. I told him, that as a poet, i found his shit weak, bitten, and highly cliche. Hah, catching buckets, that is what he will call it. The way I had planned the day was that we would get up, do whatever we wanted for a while and then go out for breakfast, get my wedding ring which had been in the jewelers and then head home to lie around, relax, make love again and again and after that getting dressed to go to dinner and a movie.

Oh yea! What's your tag? What is Love? That is what causes my mothers to worry and I am lucky in that respect. I more than appreciate, I relate, respect and enjoy it! Im still pissed off about the other day, and I really, really, really hate Toby Keith even more now. He is really cute, and I dont want him to just go away and possibly get hit by a car.

Even though he told me I was just imaging things, I know he didnt want me to go. I only procrastinate with things I don't care about, and try to perfect the things that I am proud of. I really just like things to look nice and be organized. Screw the tests, there just trying to mess with your mind.. It was good, but it seemed quite repetitive, and there was a lot of reading, so about halfway through the museum, I stopped reading and started just looking at stuff. I want to tell you about a young man, a teenaged boy, who came to me during a reading I was giving to someone he was not related to. I mean overall it was a good vacation, I got to hang out with my cousins CorCor and Kny and JB and Nato, but the other baby cousin that I have is driving me up a wall.

Well, there are a few differences. In Lahaina there are, John claims, no more frustrated Fuhrers laying down the law; part of the deal is that he is the studio manager, has the final word, and can use the facilities for whatever he wants when the studio is dark. The idea is that once he gets settled at the studio, John and I will be able to collaborate on songwriting via the miracles of e-mail and mp3s. And the streets filled with water. I also call upon the Governors of the United States and the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, as well as appropriate officials of all units of government, to direct that the flag be flown at half-staff on Patriot Day. Among the most surprising results: A majority of British and South Koreans don't think American democracy remains a model for other countries. American Sports Classic presents... I think it all had something to do with the fact that, oh, I don't know, I ate nothing but burritos and quesadillas from Baja Fresh and Chipotle for a good three days straight. However, I believe the most difficult thing in life is to hate something and love hating it. Thus bringing me to the third most difficult experience of my life. I'm addicted and its difficult to stop. I really can't be bothered, it feels like the hardest thing in the world to me. With my luck, he's got a grilfriend, or he doesn't even like me in the first place. I can remember sitting on the phone with him, begging him to take me back. All of these dreams are in the ultrareal catagory, where I can't tell I'm dreaming when they are happening, and even remembering them they feel real.