Search the body and theirs no hole.... If any body has the answer please let me know. People were supposed to call me this weekend and let me know if they wanted to get together or if anything was going on, but that didn't happen. A part of me says she should know, that if I don't tell her the results will come back to haunt me later. Hobo Knives Don't Even Know What A Nassdar Is!?! I don't know what it would take to heal or even soothe that pain. Me: and I don't know what's going to happen when I go to Austin, but at least we're taking risks and trying to do things to improve our lives. I smell the damp, the cold in greasy gears, the bare minerals that make up metal and oil and air. I smell metal- and oil.

Do you smugly sneak your Way into conversations that dont really have anything to do with religion? So I found some mp3 software that was just over 1 MB, and would burn cd's of mp3s, each with this program on it. In these first few moments that I try to orient myself, I find my house paid off, my car paid off, my job secure and my life generally in order. I never let myself go in relationships after that. I have to go measure up with other people that just gave up for 5 years, that decided to stay behind and play house because they thought it would be okay. You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. I just give my tithes to the church that I am a member in; the one that I have been going to for almost all my life; the one which I know will use the money for good... And then getting her to arrange a time with Lynn, so that I can tell her just with me and Tal there. Remember that little invite effort I made the other day at work?

So that made my night a happy, sleep tight night. To those of you who like to take advantage of Charm Designs, I am sure you will be happy to hear that I am closing down. I contributed to that by saying it's certainly fathomable to imagine oneself in another body, and still know that you are in fact you. By writing an entry that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, BF has finally pushed me to write a real, brand-new entry. I just give my tithes to the church that I am a member in; the one that I have been going to for almost all my life; the one which I know will use the money for good... And then getting her to arrange a time with Lynn, so that I can tell her just with me and Tal there. Actions speak louder than words and I'm an idiot for not hearing you tell me that I don't mean shit to you anymore. I don't just like stuff, I get personally involved with it. Perhaps you'd like to hear how I screamed at everyone, pushed people, fought with people? You don't know what it's like, what it's like to be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark. What is the most important thing to you in a relationship? There's no doubt about it, that talk we had, Monday evening, has improved our relationship in subtle, yet noticeably positive ways. What about Love at first sight?

And I should stop this train of thought before I get down again. My kitty is so cute, she is awsome, I love her to death, she has been with me for like 9 years now, and I know people say that cats don't love or whatever but I feel that she loves me, like the baby she couldn't have, she is protective of me, and is so nice, I love mt cat, lot's. I was four when my Grandma killed herself in a manner that was too heinous for my mother to tell me even now - 20 years later. But that was as close as it came to me, growing up protected and safe in my middle class home in the richest country in the world.

So I pulled down a side street, rolled down my window, and waited for the inevitable. So I pulled into the rigth lane and he followed me, and turned on his lights. He opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue, then twisted his mouth into an absurdly huge grin. Then I opened my eyes in time to see myself drop the entire cup of food.

I'm really only good at making what I want to make. But I'm so glad I took the time to appreciate that this really is what I want to do, because I don't think I ever could have been so happy before. Looking on the bright side, if the last few days are any indication, this abilify stuff is turning out to be all that and a bag of chocolate. The banquet sounds fun, and the panels are usually always worth it, but I'm just feeling so strapped for cash.

Feeling Better! I told him he seemed like a great, funny person, but I just wasnt feeling it and I felt it was better to be honest with him. I could leave him home, but I'm not sure how he'd feel on that idea. The scheduling sucks, the pay sucks, and I feel like its middle school all over again. I feel like I've been sheltered lately... I GET OFF Work and i go out to my car and there she is talkin to her ex on the phone.. I've been doing a little weekend work on a side project nothing enormous; just something for a really nice person and I have to say, it's been keeping me tense. Now I have to go and try to google something and if I find it I'll write about it tomorrow. Theres something about an Air Supply song. Our fence is ruined, so are my parents' plants/trees, and there's no more fire hydrant. Do I have to?

I luv vince he is great. She is great to talk to, and because she is a lot like me, she understands where i am coming from. I don't know how they could possibly know that, because the school doesn't do testablished or participate in any national testing. I have to make a drive to Ramstein to take my first weather testablished One-hundred questions on RADAR, space weather, and other fun weather stuff that we never really need to know in the real world. I took the McDonalds testablished and guess what I got? If you know what I mean. What kind of idiot takes his kid out at 5:30 pm, brings them back at 9pm and doesn't bother to feed the kid any dinner? I mean I love them every time I think of them, but I still wonder what might have been best for all of us. I would love to be able to think of the girls everyday as a blessing and never wonder what I must have been thinking when I decided to have them and keep them. If I didn't know me, I might wonder what I've been smoking. What | Who | Design | new! Have you seen Leanna Warner?

I'll bring the rest of the weed. Besides all the computer chaos I mentioned in the previous entry. I mean, I could easily name all the members of the band. I mean, I know it's of myself, but hey, I take advantage of myself all the time. Something I had to remind myself of lately, after a 1000 entries or so on here I took a hiatus but now I am back. I was a bit nerdy and had a hard time fitting in with the more popular peers that I tried so hard to belong with. Get in touch with nature, differnt kind of nature than here, more cool animals.

Yep, the woman who once felt that being velcroed to the couch doing nothing more physical than clicking the buttons on the tee vee remote was a life well spent, well, that woman has disappeared. They never mention that part to us, do they? Everyday, I'm trying to be me, but people don't like that, they reject it. I dont use my wish list as a list for people to pick gifts for me. Will be living in a studio outside the building when they fix it up for him. Be careful to find THE RIGHT BUILDING. Unfortunately I have to answer my cell in case it's someone from my building needing to get back into it again. I took on my step-father one night, a few years back, when he'd had too much to drink and hadn't taken his meds in god knows how long. The fact that I gave someone only one or two lines in my journal when they considered our time together so important was not an indication of how important that time together was for me. I know it will end up the way it should when all is said and done. LOVES:Anything that doesn't involve being me, anything that allows me to be someone I'm not. I didn't think anything of it, but it did excite me just a little. And it was hard for me to think of picking one of them out to ask them what they got for Christmas or what they did for New Year's when everyone else at the table already knows and I don't know... If anyone asked me what I was up to or anything, I'd have had something to talk about. I think I got scared someone would think I was a phyco depressed maniac and report me to the counselors, so I threw it away.